My wife and I went to the waterpark today to celebrate my new full-time job! More on that in the future... Two topics for the day. 1. I love waterparks. The adrenaline. The tranquility. The fun. It's amazing. So, what's the physiological difference between going to a waterpark and getting high? There's an obvious physical difference. The harm of drugs on your body opposed to the health benefits of walking up 40 flights of stairs at a waterpark. But, in terms of "fun", what's the difference? Which leads me to my new favorite quote, "Once water parks get cheaper than pot, I'll stop smoking." *Note: I do not and have never smoked pot. 2. We overheard a 14-year old girl's conversation with her friends while in line. "We had been only going out 3 weeks and he wanted to have sex. Only 3 weeks!" She was upset. Not at the prospect of having sex with a 14-year old boy, but at the speed of the intimacy. Lord, help us.

You can hang with both groups, comfortably. Isn't that a huge advantage? (Note: this post was inspired by Donald Glover on the show "Community")

I recently entered into a contentious discussion with a friend in regards to whether or not there is a correlation between aesthetic beauty and intellect. Right away, you want to jump to the conclusion that "of course there's not." Or even go in the opposite direction. "Most hot people are ditzes and most brainy people are ugly." But, from a microevolution standpoint, that doesn't really add up. The best genes pick the best genes. Whether you're rich and marrying a trophy wife, or hot and marrying a smart guy, good genes tend to intermingle. So, there is a really good chance that by now in our human development, there is a significant coreelation between aestheic beauty and intelligence. It's not mean. It's science.

 

#41. George H.W. Bush

Seinfeld is arguably one of the greatest comedies of all time. And yet, I feel like the show, Friends, is often given equal weight, at least in terms of popularity among my generation. And from a guy who watches both shows, that's an outrage. Watch an episode of Friends and an episode of Seinfeld back to back. I can't imagine you'll laugh harder at Friends. So, what's the difference? Why the shared mass popularity between both shows? Because Seinfeld is hysterical, but makes you look at George Constanza for a half hour. And Friends is chuckle-funny but gives you 5 1/2 fashion models. Pretty people are fun to watch. But what George Constanza lacks in aesthetic genetics, he makes up for with hilarious "Woody Allen" self-deprecation and paranoia. Maybe if George were hot, it wouldn't be as funny. But Chandler probably could have pulled off that character. And then it wouldn't be AS confusing when an unemployed man came home with an attractive girlfriend every other episode.

1. The Hills Are No Joke People talk about San Francisco being "hilly", but wow. Get used to public transportation, because you're going to need it to get around this city. Even 6-8 block stints can be overwhelming when they're up a 20-degree grade. 2. What the Heck is Your Sweet Tea Made of? Ok, you know the wonderful hot tea served at Chinese restaurants? When you order "Sweet Tea" in California, you get an iced version of that.  SO weird, and it still boggles my mind. 3. Eco-Friendly Sustainable Food San Francisco is a food lover's paradise. Our hotel in San Francisco was not only LEED Certified, but its restaurant's entire menu was completely organic and sustainable. And the local farmer's market held at Ferry Marketplace every Saturday is unbelievable. 4. In and Out Burger I don't exactly know what makes this place so appealing. I come here because I'm a Big Lebowski fan, and the food is featured so prominently in it. But, it really is the best fast food "food" I've ever had. 5. Full House It's nothing like the show promised me.

I don't want to become an old crotchety man when I grow up. And yet, I'm already nearly there. So, I have created a small satirical Twitter project @andyrooneyhates in order to prevent that. The goal of the project is to be reminded of how much we don't want to grow up and be like Andy Rooney. And instead, aim to become more like Mr. Rogers as we age. All you Twitterers can now follow that project as well. Enjoy your weekend! I'm in San Francisco/Monterey 'til Tuesday, so I'll see you then!

Is it simply blind optimism that they would be better received in a foreign country?

That they were sadly punished by being born exactly on the wrong side of the world.

Fellas, I hate to break it to you. You still wouldn't have a chance.

(this is a true story) Two men went to Ground Zero this past Sunday during a protest against plans to build a mosque just a few blocks north of where the World Trade Center towers once stood. These Egyptian men began speaking in Arabic to each other, and quickly attracted the attention of the mob around them. The group began shouting "Go home!" and "Get out!" to these men who quickly became both afraid and defensive, before NY police had to intervene and pull the men to safety. It turns out these two men, Joseph Nassralla and Karam El Masry, were not Muslims at all. They were Christians working for a California-based Christan television network called "The Way" that had flown in to protest the mosque. It's simply beautiful irony. And I want to know if those men still want to join these protesters that so quickly thin-sliced them as infidels.