December 31, 2008

Prayer for the New Year

"Lord, help me to love people. For I hate them so much."

December 30, 2008

Walk This Way

I recently realized that I have successfully developed a completely fictional walk. In junior high, I remember seeing an older kid in the hallway, and noticing how cool he looked when he walked. And then, after watching myself walk by a mirror, I realized how dorky I looked using my natural gait. The main difference was speed. His casual pace produced an aura of cool. I wanted it. And I consciously remember controlling my walk to match this person's. I don't remember when I stopped having to think about it, and now it has become natural. But, it wasn't mine to begin with. How much of my personality, demeanor and aesthetics have I stolen from others who I've admired?

December 29, 2008

Universal Sign for Choking

The idea of asking someone who's choking whether or not they're choking was always a comical idea to me when we learned that first step rule in school. Until recently. When my wife, during dinner, began to choke. I sympathetically responded with, "Ugh! What are you doing? Go over the sink!" I had thought she was trying to spit something out she didn't want to eat. She was merely trying to breathe. So friends, make the sign. And public education, I apologize.

December 24, 2008

Santa Cat

So, you know how you dress your animals up, and hold them in front of the mirror so they can see how awesome and creative of an owner you are? It's always disappointing when they don't show interest. And we always think it's a shame that they're too stupid to understand that it's their reflection. But, maybe they do. Maybe they're just not as arrogant as we are, and are creeped out at the idea of gawking at themselves like we so often do. On that note, Merry Christmas!

December 23, 2008

Why Bottled Water?

Studies have shown that tap water is as, or even more pure, than most bottled water because of the stricter regulations that public water resides under. The cost of a bottle of water is about 150 times what it costs to drink the same amount of tap water. And in terms of environmental damage, those billions of plastic bottles a year have to go somewhere. So, why on Earth would I buy bottled water? TASTE! I actually like Lake Michigan tap water, but our home is just outside the zone to get it. So, the taste difference between my tap and a bottle is night and day. What exactly is the taste that I prefer, you ask? The taste of nothing.

December 22, 2008

The Many or the Few?

My work had been giving out $10 gift cards on a monthly basis, for successfully tracking billable time, on time, as we migrated over to a new system. Nine months ago, they removed this incentive system, and replaced it with a winner-take all $1000 grand prize at the end of the year, with a smaller 2nd and 3rd prize. Shortly before the drawing, I suggested that whoever wanted to, could go in together as a group, and if any of us won, we would split the money evenly. I had no takers. After the drawing, three people left happy. I was not one of them. I would have been happy with my gift card and think this was a poor business decision. 1) Do you agree? 2) Would you have gone in with me?

December 19, 2008

“Ugh, Beethoven Sucked!”

Let's say that was my response after attending a 4th grade band concert and hearing a bunch of 10-year old miscreants butcher "Ode to Joy". That would be unfair to Ludwig, would it not? Then why would we blame religion for the perpetrations of the angry who claim to be followers of one?

December 18, 2008

When Do You Learn?

Have you ever learned anything from a period of suffering? It's times like that where you learn the most, isn't it? Then, why do we try so hard to prevent it?

December 17, 2008

Let’s Make Up a Word

I need a new word that fits the definition of "logic gap; unbeknownst hypocrisy." Let's say someone says, "Torture is horrible! I think we should torture the guys who torture prisoners." That statement would be a _____. Seriously, this comes up a LOT, and I need a good word for it.

December 16, 2008

WNBA – The W stands for Why

The Houston Comets, a four-time champion and one of the WNBA's original teams has shut down due to financial reasons. My biggest question remains, "How are ANY WNBA teams still financially viable?" Have you ever been to a WNBA game? Do you even know someone who has? There's a reason the NBA Top 10 ESPN highlights typically consist of 10 dunks. It's because they're awesome. They're one of the main reasons the game is so exciting to watch. Instead, during a WNBA game, the most exciting play-by-play you get to witness is a block-steal, thrown up court, where a lone woman goes up for a dynamic...layup. Either lower the hoop to 8 feet, or kiss the league goodbye, ladies.
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