October 30, 2009

Best Day for Door-to-Door Salesmen

Let's say you're a door-to-door salesman. Newspaper subscriptions or something of the like. Halloween's gotta be your Christmas. From 3-7 PM, your open door rate goes from maybe 2% to 95%. Worse case scenario, you can't close the sale, but you get a Reeses. What a fun day awaits you tomorrow.

October 29, 2009

The Evolution of the Dairy Cow

Once again, cartoons have confused science for me. In the cartoon world, dairy cows need to be milked constantly or else they'll explode. But, this implies that before their domestication by humans, dairy cows could not have existed. So, do dairy cows only keep producing milk because machines keep suckling it, so their bodies think that they're still nursing?

October 28, 2009

Why Abraham Lincoln Sucked: The Song

#16. Abraham Lincoln

Em, G, D

land of lincoln
what were you thinking?
you talk pretty
don’t mean you’re right
you killed slavery
but you also paid for thee
6 hundred 20 thousand men died

I will preserve the union
at all costs you said
and that’s exactly what you did what you did

habeus shmabeus
maybe this would be a good time to shut your mouth
or I’ll throw you in jail
with the other 18,000, you cynics and critics can all go to

the sad thing is
for the cost of the war
you could have bought and freed
every slave you’re fighting for...
let me repeat that in case you didn’t hear that

in fact more than that
could have sent them on their way
with 40 acres and a mule
have a nice free day
and all this for
the costs of the war
minus the dead men
and that begs a question

what were you fighting for?
what were you fighting for?

October 27, 2009

The Halloween Line of Prudishness

There was a Christian lady in our neighborhood who would give out little cartoon Bible stories to us trick-or-treaters in lieu of candy. This is the equivalent of leaving a waitress a little message that she should repent of her wickedness on the receipt in lieu of a tip. Non-relational evangelism never works. In fact, we sort of talked about that yesterday. But, one could argue that lady was on the liberal side of the Christian spectrum, in that some Christians choose not to participate in the "satanic" holiday at all. I asked my parents about this when I was kid, and they said, "Our neighbors are freely giving out something our kids love. We'd be monsters to keep you caged inside that day." To their credit, I escaped these childhood nights without a conversion to the dark side. But, as a Christian, there's something about hangmen decorations that freak me out. The morbidity of a recently executed human as a holiday decoration simply creeps me out to the point where I don't feel it's appropriate even for a holiday. My question is, is this just a Christian thing? Am I just a step down from the bible story lady in our subdivision growing up? As always, I need consensus to rationalize my lifestyle choices. So, if you're a non-Christian who is creeped out by hangmen, comment below. And if you're a Christian who decorates their home with the deceased, do the same.

October 26, 2009

Unsolicited Life Coaches

Whether you saw an irrate mother cross the line with her child at a grocery store, and you stepped in to intervene, or you saw a friend being an idiot in terms of his career or a relationship and you called them out on it... Has your unsolicited advice ever been received well? I'm legitimately curious to see if we have any success stories among us, but if not, it begs a different question.

October 22, 2009

Habitual Love

I no longer have to try and be polite. It now comes naturally to me. Sometimes I do not even stop and think about what the person I'm holding the door open for thinks about me. I have practiced these small acts of kindness long enough that they have become truly habitual. For those struggling with habitual sins, the battle can be so intense that giving up actually seems like it makes the most sense. But, that's because we only see two options. Giving in to things you know are wrong. Or a daily fight with all your strength and will against those same temptations. But, there is another option. After practicing long enough, the same temptations you thought were going to be your forever nemesis become weaker and weaker. Freedom itself can become habitual. We simply have to unlearn bondage through practice.

October 21, 2009

Why James Buchanan Sucked: The Song

#15. James Buchanan
C, G, D

James Buchanan, you're our last hope
we need you to warn both sides of dopes

tell the north that the south has rights
tell the south it ain't worth the fight
or just give up
we'll follow the leader, thats you

pick a side, any side
yell a lot, dont you hide
you're our last chance
before our civil war dance

October 21, 2009

Be Careful With Your Recommendations

Whether you know it or not, people take your recommendations seriously. And when you tell someone a movie is awesome, they might dedicate 2 hours of their precious life to seeking out that specific entertainment. You're responsible for that. Take it seriously. Likewise, you have to be careful when taking recommendations from somebody. If you notice this person happens to like every single movie they see, completely dismiss this person as a trusted resource. This person might also claim to like ALL kinds of music. Stay away from them. You will be disappointed.

October 20, 2009

What’s Your Favorite Chicago Pizza?

...is not a good enough question. Because thin crust pizza and deep dish pizza are completely different cuisines. Best Deep Dish Pizza in Chicago: Lou Malnatis It's all about the buttery, flaky crust. There's just nothing like it. And with cheese on the bottom, toppings in the middle and sauce on the top, it's really an ingenious upside-down creation of glory. If you're in Chicago, this is absolutely the first place you should check out. And if you're willing to take topping recommendations as well, pepperoni is the perfect pairing for this pizza pie. Now, your friends may try to get you to go to Giardanos, typically the other top competitor in arguments about the best deep dish pizza in Chicago. I have only recently begun to understand this argument, when I paired this pie with sausage and green peppers. Because it's a darker flavor than Malnatis sauce, darker flavor toppings like sausage make much more sense. But, Lou Malnatis still takes this category by a mile, and a crust. Best Thin Crust Pizza in Chicago: Aurelios This crispy pie has one of the most memorable pizza flavors you'll ever experience. What sets it apart from the competition is the super-sweet tomato sauce. It will change your mind about what pizza should taste like, and honestly, it's hard to go back to anything else . Definitely one to check out next time you're in Chicago. Now's where you tell me how wrong I am.

October 16, 2009

Genetic Rivalries

Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf have an 8-year old son and a 6-year old daughter. Graf, is arguably, the greatest women's tennis player of all time. Agassi is easily in the top 5 for men. Roger Federer and his wife Mirka recently had twin girls as well. Federer, is arguably the greatest men's tennis player of all time. Mirka also played tennis at the professional level until an injury ended her career. How cool would it be if these children were the next generation of great rivals? And before you say it's ridiculous, remember that the current top two women's tennis players in the world just happen to be sisters. Also, what other sports could you see this super-genetic mating happen in? And 100 pts. if you think through why this could never happen in basketball.