I'm only funny if I get a 3-second head start.
In those 3 seconds, I can think up and quickly weigh a couple of different punchline options in my head. In person, I have no censor, and typically go with my first instinct, which rarely works.
I am a writer.
March 30, 2011
How to Stop a Nosebleed
I got a nose bleed last night.
So, I grabbed some tissue. Pinched my nose. And tilted my head back. At which point, my wife interjected,
"Honey! Tilt your head forward, remember?"
"No. When did that rule change?"
"I don't know. The late 70s?"
The Internet backs her up. How I have been doing this wrong my whole life? Please someone admit to accompanying my misery with your foolishness, too?
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So, I grabbed some tissue. Pinched my nose. And tilted my head back. At which point, my wife interjected,
"Honey! Tilt your head forward, remember?"
"No. When did that rule change?"
"I don't know. The late 70s?"
The Internet backs her up. How I have been doing this wrong my whole life? Please someone admit to accompanying my misery with your foolishness, too?