I don't want to become an old crotchety man when I grow up. And yet, I'm already nearly there. So, I have created a small satirical Twitter project @andyrooneyhates in order to prevent that. The goal of the project is to be reminded of how much we don't want to grow up and be like Andy Rooney. And instead, aim to become more like Mr. Rogers as we age. All you Twitterers can now follow that project as well. Enjoy your weekend! I'm in San Francisco/Monterey 'til Tuesday, so I'll see you then!

Is it simply blind optimism that they would be better received in a foreign country?

That they were sadly punished by being born exactly on the wrong side of the world.

Fellas, I hate to break it to you. You still wouldn't have a chance.

(this is a true story) Two men went to Ground Zero this past Sunday during a protest against plans to build a mosque just a few blocks north of where the World Trade Center towers once stood. These Egyptian men began speaking in Arabic to each other, and quickly attracted the attention of the mob around them. The group began shouting "Go home!" and "Get out!" to these men who quickly became both afraid and defensive, before NY police had to intervene and pull the men to safety. It turns out these two men, Joseph Nassralla and Karam El Masry, were not Muslims at all. They were Christians working for a California-based Christan television network called "The Way" that had flown in to protest the mosque. It's simply beautiful irony. And I want to know if those men still want to join these protesters that so quickly thin-sliced them as infidels.

...due to recent events. Yet, this surely brings up a hypocrisy on my part. Because I  randomly chose the next closest gas station to my house (BP had been the closest). And I did not investigate this no-name company's history of malfeasance. Because if I found something, then I'd have to drive even further away.

My dad lives in the world of theological academia. He reads books written by guys just like him. And he contends that you have to read a book 3 times before you really get the guts out of it. My contention is that those men are simply bad writers. Brilliant thinkers. But simply bad communicators. If it takes you 3 times to explain your point, MAYBE the point is SO above human thought that it confounds reason. But maybe it's just because you're wordy.

I recently had this argument with my parents. As a Christian musician, they can appreciate "what" I am doing, but don't really care for the music I make at all. Nor do they care for the music at any of the churches I've attended during my adult years. And I can understand that. They want to sing songs they know. They haven't listened to new music in the last 30 years, and it's more fun being able to participate in a church gathering than just stand there. But, they go beyond that. They publicly state their fear that my generation is going to get rid of all their "classics" in favor of crap. Now, I would respect that opinion more if they actually kept up with music's evolution. But, they're not true music fans. And many of the "classic" songs they fear we're losing SHOULD be lost. No one's getting rid of "Amazing Grace" or "How Deep the Father's Love For Us". Those are amazing, powerful songs that will always stand the test of time. The ones that aren't going to make it, probably shouldn't.

Do you remember learning hand signals in Driver's Ed? Just in case you happened to be driving in a car made prior to 1940 that didn't have turn signal lights. Well, those are the same signals that I use as a bicyclist. Until today. Because no one understands them. "Woah, that dude on a bike is making a chicken wing gesture. What is that?" "Hey, I think that dude's a nazi! Oh wait, he's just turning right." Language doesn't work unless it's universal. So now, I make wide gestures with my hands signaling what I'm about to do and everyone understands. That's how language evolves, my friends. And I was a part of it this time.

Those who can grocery shop undistracted by those around them. And then there's me. Constantly focused on everyone else's cart throughout the entire experience. Going out of my way to make sure I don't get in theirs. Watching people park horizontally in the cereal aisle, oblivious that they're causing an 8-cart backup. I want to be like them, and I want them to be like me.

We recently had friends come in from the U.K. to visit, and I was surprised to learn something about the foreign perception of Chicago. I thought Michael Jordan would be the first thing they thought about when they hear, "Chicago." They both shook their heads, and one of them made a machine gun gesture and yelled "Al Capone!" They think of Chicago as a mob-town! Even today! And that was so disenchanting to me. But after an Easter history lesson from my Italian family, I realized I simply lived in a suburban bubble of wishful thinking. Super-Brief History of Mob Rule in Chicago The United States was never a melting pot. People immigrated from Europe and created little mini-towns in whatever cities they went to. Little Italy. Chinatown. Etc. So, the mob worked the same way. The Italian mob and the Irish mob were the main players in Chicago for years. But, the Irish mob decided that getting into politics would be the best way to control the game. And they got in. So, from then on...Unions. Police. Government. All Irish-run. In fact, The Daley's, one of the big families in the Irish community have held the position of Mayor for a combined 42 years and counting. The Italian mob got stuck with gambling. (Neither side admits to drugs...) But as far as that all being behind us, I was sadly mistaken. SUPER creepy stuff goes on, even today. Like its nothing. Like its the way stuff gets done.